A Mother's Love

Dear Zack,

I have always believed that I truly love my children. Thank you for providing me with the final confirmation that I do indeed have a strong and abiding love for all of my children (and you especially). How did I come to this resolute understanding you ask?

Yesterday was a special day for you and me. You didn't feel well, so while I was in Mylie's room reading her pre-nap story, I gave you permission to lie down on my bed and watch Caillou. We both know how I feel about you watching tv in my room. I don't like it. Sometimes I let you watch on the bench at the foot of my bed, but usually I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. In the past you have ransacked my closet, stripped my bed of all bedding, and poured out the clean laundry bins and the dirty laundry bins and mixed the contents of the two together so that you could flip the bins upside down to use as your throne and foot rest.

Still, you didn't feel well, so I said you could climb onto my bed and get "cozy" as you requested. I even allowed your small menagerie of stuffed animals to accompany you, and tried not to cringe as you unmade my bed to transform it into your "clubhouse nest." I handed you the remote and explained to you how to select Caillou from the On Demand options menu. Then I went into Mylie's room.

Things were going so well. Mylie was almost asleep when I heard your jubilant cry that you had just ordered 'Coraline' from the pay movie section. "Just click the arrow two times, then hit "OK" and "OK"," you excitedly explained. This reminded me of why I don't allow you in my room with a remote. You might possibly figure out how to order a $5 movie.

You hid from my horror and frustration, when I entered my bedroom to discover not only Coraline playing, but also that you had sneaked a RED JELLO cup out of the kitchen and into my bed, where apparently dumping it out and squeezing it through your fingers and finger painting gelatinous lumps onto my sheet made more sense than actually consuming it. Oh my expensive new white sheets, why had I thought it was ok to finally break you out after the past year of you sitting in your packaging on my shelf? Oh, now I remember, it is because I had banned children from my bedroom and made it very clear that we eat in the KITCHEN ONLY.

I can't remember what it was that made you angry at me an hour later, when you told me you would never love me again and hurled your chocolate milk at me and the wall behind me.

When I held you on my lap for a time out and you said, "Please let me help Andrew pick up my toy soldiers, they are mine and I want to do that job" I let you go. I don't know if I was surprised or not when you picked up on toy soldier, looked at me defiantly and chucked it at me as you yelled, "You fell for it! You're a sucker!" then you bolted up the stairs.

Zachary, you had two "dark" timeouts in the storage room for 30 seconds each. You hated them both. You deserved them both. When you emerged from the storage room, both times you told me you were sorry. You also told me you would NEVER love me again. You told me you were going to run away and find a new mom. I was surprised by this, especially after you watched 'Coraline' this afternoon and saw what trouble can come from wishing for a different mother.

Later, you were your nice self again that likes to give kisses and cuddles and you confessed that you actually did love me still.

I realized much earlier how much I truly love you. Zack, we live less than a mile from a Fire Station. I could have dropped you off anytime during the day. I've read about other moms doing such things when they felt like they could no longer handle their children. Who knows what those kids must have done... I didn't drop you off, though, because I love you.

Love,
Mom