Where do I begin?

Let me preface this entry by stating that I do love my kids and I am grateful to be a mom.

Years ago, when I planned to have a big family, I envisioned my life as a mother to go something like this:

1) I wake up looking gorgeous from a good night's sleep.
2) I have a nice shower and get fully dressed.
3) I go to my children's rooms to awaken them only to find that they are fully dressed and making their beds in their spotless rooms. They greet me with a smile.
4) We cheerfully head to our kitchen for a nice family breakfast.
5) No one spills on themselves, me, the table, the walls, or the floor.
6) Everyone is grateful for the breakfast they have eaten and they graciously take their dishes to the sink.
7) In her darling, clean, cute and fully-matching outfit, my oldest grabs her backpack, kisses us goodbye and heads off for a productive day at school.
8) Ben, in his nice clothes, gives us a kiss goodbye and heads off for a productive day at work.
9) The children and I snuggle up together to watch an episode of Sesame Street.
10) We play blocks. Then we put the blocks away.
11) We play with playdough. No colors are mixed together and rendered useless. None dry up and harden. None end up crushed in the couch or the carpet.
12) We color pictures to hang on the fridge. We color on PAPER ONLY.
13) We go to the kitchen and have a nutritious lunch that all of the children happily eat.
14) While the children are napping, I cheerfully vacuum, fold laundry, read my scriptures.
15) The oldest returns from her fabulous day at school. She does all of her homework without me asking.
16) We visit about her day at school as we make something like cookies.
17) The other children awaken with their diapers still on, and clean!
18) I load them into the wagon and we walk to the park to draw with chalk, blow bubbles, gather flowers.
19) We come home and they play nicely together as I prepare a delicious and wholesome meal.
20) My husband comes home and cheerfully plays with the children until dinner is ready.
21) My very polite children gratefully eat what is on their plate. No one requests a separate meal be made for them.
22) We clean up from dinner as a family.
23) The children enjoy their evening bath without pouring water out onto the floor and ruining the ceiling to the room below.
24) All clean, and with teeth brushed, we read bedtime stories, have a prayer, and the kids nestle into their pillows and with a kiss from and dad they are fast asleep.

Unfortunately, I did not realize that my master plan of motherhood required that my children be androids.

Still, I am grateful for their individualistic ways. Their smiles. Their sticky hugs. Their laughter.

This is what I tell myself when Zack's pink eye has still not gone away, because even with both me and Ben trying to pin him down to get the drops in his eyes, he is somehow stronger than the both of us. He is miserable. His eyes look awful and he had a fever over the weekend. Of course, my kids sicknesses always peak when the pediatrician's office is closed. I took him in on Monday and the doctor checked him out and said his throat looked sore, but the strep test came back negative. I asked her about his ears, and she said they both looked fine. Then yesterday, I noticed that gunk was draining out of one of his ears, a sure sign that his ear drum had burst. So, as if eye drops weren't enough to force/endure, he is also on amoxicillian and ear drops. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when I read the ear drop directions which state that he must remain on his side for five minutes after the drops are administered.

Oh, and Zack is throwing up again. At least 8 times in the past 24 hours, and he is asking for food and doesn't understand why I won't feed him. The flu and pink eye have been rampant where we live lately. I hate it!

Maddie and Andrew had dentist appointments this morning. They absolutely love going to the dentist. This must be because neither has ever had a cavity. We were a little late leaving our house, because the conversation with the pediatrician this morning took longer than expected. When I arrive to the dentist office TEN minutes late, I am told we're too late they are booked and we can't be squeezed in. Frustrated, furious, and fuming I try to gather up my children. Maddie and Andrew didn't want to leave and it was awful.

After dropping off Maddie at school, I put Zack down for his nap and left Andrew and Zack at home since Ben was working from home. I took Mylie with me to Brooke's house where my sister Jessie was staying while she was in town on business. Jessie is leaving this afternoon so I hoped to see her before she left.

Thirty minutes later there is a knock at Brooke's door. Bracken opens the door and it is Andrew. Without telling Ben he was leaving, he went to the garage, pushed a stool over so he could reach the garage door button and left. What is it with my kids?

After being at Brooke's house for only ten minutes, he managed to shatter the glass to her new french doors that lead to her backyard. I have some pictures, but until my laptop issue is resolved, posting pictures takes too long on the dinosaur of a computer that I am using now.

Well, the day is only half over. I am off to salvage what is left of it.